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April 2017

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MENUPLEASE: IN WHICH FEMME DE JOIE APOLOGIZES TO GENTLE READER

A recent update of this sadly-neglected blog brought a rebuke from an anonymous reader in the thriving metropolis of Hayfork, California. Their response to the review of Sailing Boat:

Subject: edit out the crudities
I don't like to see women writing like this. The "big girl panties" "thongs and stiletos" detract from the review.

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It was then that Femme de Joie realized the tawdry shape she has allowed herself to slip into. Yes, all those influences – wireless radio, television, moving pictures, the automobile – have made her a wreck of her former self, but she cannot blame those alone. It was she herself who was tempted and gave in to the notion of using uncouth language, as well as referencing clothing of a personal nature. So here in this public forum, she would like to extend her heartfelt apologies to the offended party:

Gentle Reader:

As one woman to another, please accept Femme de Joie’s apologies. She realizes now she overstepped her bounds by being a woman, writing, and using provocative terms. Her downfall began when the bustle went out of style and ankles started flashing, and then next thing you knew, “ladies” (ladies! HA! tramps is more like it) started talking IN PUBLIC about undergarments and shoes. After that World War I started, and then came birth control and Elvis Presley, and then all bets were off and the barn door left wide open. Before good moral women like yourself knew what had hit them, ladies went to Frederick’s of Hollywood for crotchless panties and bras with nipple holes, as well as mechanical "tension reliever" devices.

Oh my goodness, Femme is getting so overheated talking about all this. She must go lie down with a nice gin and tonic. (Between us ladies, please be cautious of the dangerous nature of the gin and tonic. Panties drop and before you know it you'll be voting and owning property. It can be very disgraceful.)

Thank you so very much for taking an interest because ladies need to look out for each other and whip us back into line when we stray. And Femme vows to be careful not to offend those who think "Big Girl Panties" and "thongs and stilettos" are naughty and thus secretly exciting.

With all sincerity,
Femme de Joie

And please, take a moment to read the Ladies Against Women Mani Ladyfesto:

We Truly Tasteful Ladies Do Hereby Demand:


Repeal the Ladies' vote. It is suffering and not suffrage that keeps us up on our pedestals. And if God hadn't wanted us up on pedestals, He wouldn't have make us shorter than our husbands.

Abolish the environment. It takes up too much space, and is almost impossible to keep clean.

Free Ladies from wage slavery. The 60-odd cents we earn for every manly dollar is entirely too much. It is unladylike to accept money for work.

Maintain illiteracy as a high school graduation requirement. An uninformed populace is an obedient populace, and a self-censoring one, too. After all, ignorance is a virtue: what you can't read, can't hurt you.

Insist on universal free childcare. No one should be paid to do what a real Lady does in her home for free.

Weed out uppity women through the establishment of HULA Committee: the House Committee on Un-Ladylike Activities.

Procreation, not recreation. Where did so many gals get the idea that s_x is supposed to be f_n? It's time to close your eyes and do your duty!
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Comments

(Anonymous)

Can I be your friend?

Very, very amusing.

Keep up the good work.

Re: Can I be your friend?

Yes, certainly.